Anger: a second look at it

 

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Anger seems powerful: Yelling, talking loudly to a point of screeching.. all sounds aggressive, yes. But if you can look deeper, then look for the Why -in other words- When does a person reach to a point wherein he/she believes that getting loud for them is necessary or required. In other words, forego logic and judgment, and just make an attempt to see.

Here’s a general and for some, an obvious answer – when one is unheard and wants to be heard desperately- that is when a person speaks louder, even screams! The key here is desperation and a fearful belief that one wont be heard genuinely. Thus I say, anger is a desperate act to avoid the feeling of helplessness.

Angry Young Son

What I often find common amongst people wanting to work on their anger, is the felt inability (vs what is projected outward to others) to say “No” with ease, without guilt, without any kind of discomfort. This felt anxiety and discomfort, if further analyzed, is more than often a felt (vs intellectual/logical) moral conflict: when a certain view and action feels right and logically sounds correct, but from somewhere within 100% permission to stick with that point of view is not experienced.

So dear reader, if you find yourself angrier than usual, more irritable, or simply want to understand your angry responses and reactions, look at the underlying inner moral conflict- the rights and wrongs for you that is- centering around the feelings that arise from the triggering incident in question.

Best wishes!

Kunjal.

 

What Are You Storing in Your Memory Bank??

In course of a therapy session when I ask an individual to recall an incident or event from their life, different people recall different specifics. Some focus on what the event conveyed- the meaning specific to them, how they felt or how the event visually appeared to be..

 

But is that all that our mind remembers? Is this all that our mind stores?

 

I may not know everything that our mind is a repository of, and how much is accessible, but of the amazing things I have come to know or studied and seen in action, I write about below..

 

Our memory bank, wherever it may physically be situated in, is more capable than we normally tend to give credit to. We may forget consciously many things, but unconsciously we remember, our bodies remember sensations- all five of them. We seem to have given thinking, which is not a physical sense, more importance over other stimulations. Hence more than often we remember using our ‘thinking’. But we forget, our senses remember too. Every associated smell, memory of the atmosphere visually, physical sense of comfort, sounds, may or may not be filed well alongside the content of the memories– depending on how aware, and conscious are we using all our senses. Hence I call it, like how clients do, ‘amazing’.

 

The whiff of a comforting cup of cocoa is nothing but cocoa, had usually in upsetting times.. And the next time we sense the aroma, it starts bringing to our minds, the associated feeling memory of warmth, comfort.. and lets not forget, along with all this, a Need for comfort. Similarly, upsetting memories we try hard to make sense of, and sometimes feel we have talked about and dealt with, may leave residual memories, powerful ones in our mind in form of sensations and unexplained feelings or moods too.

 

Our mind remembers. So does our body- pain, discomfort, different sensations, everything- ready to be triggered at any time, unannounced.

 

So when we are nostalgic, or living in the past imagine what we may knowingly, unknowingly bring to the present? And when we believe we are in the present moment, how much present moment living are we really doing.. and how much is truly possible?

 

Food for processing.. experientially and intellectually.

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Do we listen to ourself..?

We plan. And yet, at times, fail to follow it through. What is this inconsistency? If we ourselves plan for something, and we ourselves do not follow it through.. where does the mystery logically point at?

– – That somewhere we do not want to do it?? Hmm.. if the accusatory tone and/or the rhetorical nature of questioning is erased, then we might just see an answer emerge…

“I had a plan for loosing weight. But I just would not exercise. I’ve no clue why?!”

“Its not that I didn’t want to clean my room, but.. I don’t know why I just cant seem to be coming around to be doing that..”

There are times we ask- “I don’t know why”, but do not seek an answer to that, using it as a comment as if to fool our mind that we have addressed the issue, to reduce feeling the “pinch”. There is no specific inquiry made in this case, no wonder there is no answer emerging, and hence, a mystery.

By taking a slightly deeper look within, we may come to, “I really wanted to do it, but at the same time somewhere do not feel like it.”

Aha! Here’s the heart of the problem. The internal conflict, a dissonance within us. We tend to most times run away from it. When we end up going on putting it off to avoid the imagined mental and moral effort.. this may slowly snowball into a big thing too.

By ignoring the “lazy” part, or the logically opposing part, or the part within our self that we may recognize as irrational, it isn’t a mystery anymore why we are not able to get things done. This very well contributes to our being absent-minded, procrastinating, etc. It is the part that we are following but not consciously listening to, that needs our attention to get things moving. So ask yourselves, ‘Have you been listening to “yourself”??’ Pay attention to what you sweep under the carpet in this context.. you might gain insight in what keeps you motivated generally in life as a bonus! 🙂

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Readdressing Love & its Issues

Flowing Insights Programme

designed & facilitated by

Psychotherapist

Ms. Kunjal Shah

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“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

-Socrates

“Whether its understanding our relationships better.. or we are going through a tough time in life due to specific problems or reasons, or if we are simply looking to “up” the game of life to the next phase or level- these sessions will certainly pave the way.

 

Flowing Insights sessions are designed for you in such a way, that you will be better able to reach the answers you seek. The topics are large and general enough to cover a huge range of issues. Your practice of the process you experience here, and the professional assistance I lend, will provide you with a road to resolve your specific problem from its root. You may check back your trial experiences of insights gained and fine tune the approach back in your life through later sessions. That’s the beauty of these sessions- it will not end in a single talk- It will end after you apply the insights learnt and come back with feedback and questions for more clarity and fuel for your journey in the next session.

 

The springboard for these sessions is You and Dr. Peck’s book: The Road Less Travelled. If you’ve read the book, going to read the book, or not read the book, it matters less. Your presence, some motivation and a little bit of openness is what’s required.

 

Our topic to begin with, is Readdressing Love & its Issues.”

 

Yours sincerely,

Kunjal Shah,

Your Psychotherapist & Counselling Psychologist during “Flowing Insights’ Programme”.

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THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED. FOR QUERIES REGARDING THIS PROGRAM, YOU MAY DO SO BY USING THE FORM IN THE “CONTACT ME” SECTION.  THANK YOU.

Venue: HELP Library, VT, Mumbai.

Date:   1st session = 2nd July 2011

Time:   1 – 2:30 p.m.

Fee:     350 Rs. Per session. (Number of sessions to attend is upto you and your comfort.)

Group:  Small, Cozy & Warm 🙂

fyi:The Programme is divided across three main topics to be covered in a span of minimum 7 sessions:

a)                  Stagnation and monotony Vs Love, healing and growth.

b)                  Pains, problems, manipulations Vs Freedom, health and enrichment of relationships.

c)                  Understanding our resistances, Checking our “tools” & Onto our own roads to be travelled.

 

THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED. FOR QUERIES REGARDING THIS PROGRAM, YOU MAY DO SO BY USING THE FORM IN THE “CONTACT ME” SECTION.  THANK YOU.

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Unlocking The Self; Some Quotes

 

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

-Carl Jung

 

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what world calls a romance.”

-Oscar Wilde

 

“I would say that our patients never really despair because of any suffering in itself! Instead, their despair stems in each instance from a doubt as to whether suffering is meaningful. Man is ready and willing to shoulder any suffering as soon and as long as he can see a meaning in it.”

-Viktor Frankl, 1961, Logotherapy and the Challenge of Suffering

 

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

-Socrates

 

“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.”

-James Joyce

 

“Information is not knowledge.”

-Albert Einstein

 

“Knowledge is knowing that we cannot know.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn.. My God, do you learn!

– C. S. Lewis

 

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.

– Carl Jung

 

 

Relaxation- A Solution?

Recently, in a group talk on ‘Psychotherapy’, a small, albeit aware audience emerged to form the ongoing awareness and rapport building community of doctors & patients. An interesting question emerged in the process (The following is worded keeping the essence of the question in mind):

“When we meditate or do deep relaxation processes, we feel free from the problems at hand. But they come back to bother, they do not seem to be permanently gone. Can they or are they enough to solve things or psychotherapy is required?”

The discussion that ensued came to a simple conclusion which is given below. The inquirer’s sheepish smile at the end of it  corroborated an already experienced and known answer, but one that he kept avoiding and inadvertently having pushed it out of awareness..

The conclusion:

‘When we meditate, we reach a stage where problems are found more “deal-able” , as we are more relaxed. The ‘Oh My God!’ response in our head, is subsided and we are more resourceful in dealing with what is on the plate- which is where we may choose a path for assistance; psychotherapy being one of it. But when we are only relaxing our mind and body, and using it to escape- then how can it lead to any problem resolution?! The problem needs our attention not avoidance. Relaxation can help us in doing that. So it can be a “Maintenance tool” for our daily smooth functioning- TO aide in our resolving the “Root Problem”.’

He was satisfied with this answer, though not thrilled and confessed later in person that yes, this summed up what he was avoiding- Pain/”emotional hassles”.

It is the Avoidance of things at hand that actually go on to becoming hassles- That’s something we forget while being caught up in a situation. Our wise hindsight into the consequences can make this understanding clear.