Self-worth

Genuine self-worth journey is long, eventful, unpleasant but freeing and relieving after each step.. Sometimes we find it ‘worth it’. Sometimes we prefer the known; the comfortable discomforts and do not continue it.. Just like eating, sleeping, this journey has to be walked on each day by daily practice towards it.

Genuineness and In touch with reality- or as D.W.Winnicott would say: “Real Self”.. is the key to this journey among many other. And for ‘Real’, moving closer to nakedness towards ownself, meeting self as we are, is synonymous!

Kesudas' "Last Request"
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cheers & best wishes

to Good Health & Freedom!

Con fidence & Confidence

I find the word, ‘confidence’, quite amusing. It’s because of the word construction and the root and origin of the word’s parts .. the word confidence is said to have derived from ‘fide’ meaning fidelity, trust. And ‘con’ meaning “to attach” (latin). You see it right?- the word begins with c-o-n, con.. to cheat! It’s meaning is to do with fide- with attaching trust- but interestingly con is also ‘to cheat’, though not implied here.. Well, not intentionally at a conscious level at least.

The irony is worth indulging in.. Shiny confidence as we see around in suits, grins with sparkly eyes, and firm exteriors and seemingly warm smiles = one of the biggest ‘games’ we humans play.. we’re sending it and receiving it too.. from others, ourselves, most of the time. When we con and act to be ‘playing it cool’ and a knower of things, what message are we giving to our inner self?? – That we are not good enough the way we are and need to be like something, like others, etc. etc.? What message are we giving to those depending on us for their guidnce and nurturance? That there is something to match up to? Some standard we are failing to rank well in? To stand out from the rest perhaps–and that is important somehow for better chances, for appreciation, for attention.. It’s too important to each of us. But how does the word “confident” end up here then? — which means truthful about self and meeting the world this way.. And yet, when normally the word “confident person” is used, the image that follows is not necessarily say- Anna Hazareish or your grand parent who’s just being his/her own self, not to please anyone or for even societal standards, but just cause that’s who they are.

All that is ok. The REAL JOKE is when we try to fit ourself in the bill while waiting outside the cabin for an interview “trying to be confident”- by which we’re meaning to say trying to APPEAR confident. There.. not being self, not confident! If the individual sitting on the other side of the desk is experienced, he/she can see through the put up facade easily. The wiser one understands the nervousness and tests the applicant- once into the subject, is the applicant full of work and looses the consciousness of the business of self image and is busy BEING self, or continues cheating. ( Something our succesful marketing, advertising people know a lot more about!)

A lot of clients come with this problem: “I am not confident enough to do xyz”. This snowballs into a much much larger problem making the lived world smaller, and dysfunctions many. The trouble lies in the lies we feed ourselves using language whose meaning we are only vaguely aware of- colloquially and dictionary wise. What they are really seeking is courage to be, inspite of anything; courage to walk the path without knowing if anything lies ahead, courage to just truely live. Not confidence. Confidence is already there.

There, I’ve said and shared my bit that I had been meaning to say for a while. Didn’t have the right words or the right enriched experiences to help me express this before today. Here it is, a little something for when we find ourself stuck in these issues..

Love, Strength & Courage~

K.

Do we listen to ourself..?

We plan. And yet, at times, fail to follow it through. What is this inconsistency? If we ourselves plan for something, and we ourselves do not follow it through.. where does the mystery logically point at?

– – That somewhere we do not want to do it?? Hmm.. if the accusatory tone and/or the rhetorical nature of questioning is erased, then we might just see an answer emerge…

“I had a plan for loosing weight. But I just would not exercise. I’ve no clue why?!”

“Its not that I didn’t want to clean my room, but.. I don’t know why I just cant seem to be coming around to be doing that..”

There are times we ask- “I don’t know why”, but do not seek an answer to that, using it as a comment as if to fool our mind that we have addressed the issue, to reduce feeling the “pinch”. There is no specific inquiry made in this case, no wonder there is no answer emerging, and hence, a mystery.

By taking a slightly deeper look within, we may come to, “I really wanted to do it, but at the same time somewhere do not feel like it.”

Aha! Here’s the heart of the problem. The internal conflict, a dissonance within us. We tend to most times run away from it. When we end up going on putting it off to avoid the imagined mental and moral effort.. this may slowly snowball into a big thing too.

By ignoring the “lazy” part, or the logically opposing part, or the part within our self that we may recognize as irrational, it isn’t a mystery anymore why we are not able to get things done. This very well contributes to our being absent-minded, procrastinating, etc. It is the part that we are following but not consciously listening to, that needs our attention to get things moving. So ask yourselves, ‘Have you been listening to “yourself”??’ Pay attention to what you sweep under the carpet in this context.. you might gain insight in what keeps you motivated generally in life as a bonus! 🙂

~

Readdressing Love & its Issues

Flowing Insights Programme

designed & facilitated by

Psychotherapist

Ms. Kunjal Shah

~

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

-Socrates

“Whether its understanding our relationships better.. or we are going through a tough time in life due to specific problems or reasons, or if we are simply looking to “up” the game of life to the next phase or level- these sessions will certainly pave the way.

 

Flowing Insights sessions are designed for you in such a way, that you will be better able to reach the answers you seek. The topics are large and general enough to cover a huge range of issues. Your practice of the process you experience here, and the professional assistance I lend, will provide you with a road to resolve your specific problem from its root. You may check back your trial experiences of insights gained and fine tune the approach back in your life through later sessions. That’s the beauty of these sessions- it will not end in a single talk- It will end after you apply the insights learnt and come back with feedback and questions for more clarity and fuel for your journey in the next session.

 

The springboard for these sessions is You and Dr. Peck’s book: The Road Less Travelled. If you’ve read the book, going to read the book, or not read the book, it matters less. Your presence, some motivation and a little bit of openness is what’s required.

 

Our topic to begin with, is Readdressing Love & its Issues.”

 

Yours sincerely,

Kunjal Shah,

Your Psychotherapist & Counselling Psychologist during “Flowing Insights’ Programme”.

~

THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED. FOR QUERIES REGARDING THIS PROGRAM, YOU MAY DO SO BY USING THE FORM IN THE “CONTACT ME” SECTION.  THANK YOU.

Venue: HELP Library, VT, Mumbai.

Date:   1st session = 2nd July 2011

Time:   1 – 2:30 p.m.

Fee:     350 Rs. Per session. (Number of sessions to attend is upto you and your comfort.)

Group:  Small, Cozy & Warm 🙂

fyi:The Programme is divided across three main topics to be covered in a span of minimum 7 sessions:

a)                  Stagnation and monotony Vs Love, healing and growth.

b)                  Pains, problems, manipulations Vs Freedom, health and enrichment of relationships.

c)                  Understanding our resistances, Checking our “tools” & Onto our own roads to be travelled.

 

THIS PROGRAM HAS BEEN DISCONTINUED. FOR QUERIES REGARDING THIS PROGRAM, YOU MAY DO SO BY USING THE FORM IN THE “CONTACT ME” SECTION.  THANK YOU.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Disillusionment & Meaning; Where is joy?

 

It’s interesting, how we feel when we find ourselves simply drifting along the river of life, feeling disillusioned, sad and depressed at times or simply dark, angry, confused.. It’s interesting, because when we look at the same floaty path of life and the choices made, and the turns that life choicelessly took..and find a meaning, a value, and look for that common string that binds things together, life doesn’t feel illusionary… one doesn’t feel lost n ‘drifty’..

I suppose when we keep the goal of finding some meaning out of life’s events than trying to achieve a specific meaning or make something out of it, we may find joy from within and a different kind of motivation or driving force in life- one which keeps us rooted.

 

 

 

🙂

 

Unlocking The Self; Some Quotes

 

“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.”

-Carl Jung

 

“When one is in love, one always begins by deceiving one’s self, and one always ends by deceiving others. That is what world calls a romance.”

-Oscar Wilde

 

“I would say that our patients never really despair because of any suffering in itself! Instead, their despair stems in each instance from a doubt as to whether suffering is meaningful. Man is ready and willing to shoulder any suffering as soon and as long as he can see a meaning in it.”

-Viktor Frankl, 1961, Logotherapy and the Challenge of Suffering

 

“The unexamined life is not worth living.”

-Socrates

 

“A man’s errors are his portals of discovery.”

-James Joyce

 

“Information is not knowledge.”

-Albert Einstein

 

“Knowledge is knowing that we cannot know.”

-Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn.. My God, do you learn!

– C. S. Lewis

 

One does not become enlightened by imagining figures of light, but by making the darkness conscious.

– Carl Jung

 

 

“Flowing Insights Programme” : Bibliotherapy

What is bibliotherapy? Well, these sessions are soon going to begin here in Mumbai that I will be designing and facilitating. On this account, today’s article is on Therapeutic value of books and their discussions..

Lets take a light, fantasy filled classic for example- Alice in Wonderland, which talks about simply, GROWING UP! It unconsciously takes our mind on a journey acquainting us with the range of emotions we may experience while going through that sort of change- where the old has lost it’s value and the new seems pleasantly or unpleasantly different. How often do we come across this sort of a change?- change of job? getting a job? getting used to changes in people around us? getting in the dating scene? Entering in a committed relationship? opting for a different health regime and actually staying on it? .. The list is endless and the therapeutic use of this book (when used well), vast.

On the other hand there’s The Road Less Travelled. It shares Dr. Peck’s version of a map of life from his professional (psychotherapist) experience and the journey of his clients. So he directly talks about-events, approaches, attitudes, suggested solutions, processes, etc- that pertain to the problems-big, tiny or small. The book (when used smartly) allows an individual to look squarely at things we face everyday, in various forms and intensities- rejection, success, loss, tolerance, love, romance,  rebirth, transformation, death, joy, hopes, miracles, etc. So when, how and whom can bibliotherapy with this book benefit? The answer is obvious- at any stage of adult life. Whether its an ill person in the family one has to take care of, or understanding our own disorderliness and mental blocks, if we are going through a tough time in life for whichever reason, or simply looking to “up” the game of life on the next phase or level- bibliotherapy through this book certainly paves a way.

There is a condition though, that applies in using help, guidance or a starting point or material for discussions from books- as discussed in the prior article– the ideas and solutions presented or perceived from the books are not writ in stone! These ideas require examining, trial & error (under an experienced facilitator preferably), sharing-editing-retesting of experiences and thus learning what’s best for us practically.

Bibliotherapy is thus, help and healing through books, carefully selected by a bibliotherapist and conducted through reading jointly, or having a post-reading discussion, or through activities designed to apply the written word in real life or a combination of these methods.

I’m very happy to announce that from 18th June, I will be facilitating, in capacity of a Psychodynamic Psychotherapist, such Bibliotherapy sessions in Mumbai (One example- The book selected for VT venue is The Road Less Travelled see http://helplibrary.blogspot.cotop 5 booksm/2011/06/workshops-on-biblio-therapy-flowing.html)

Best wishes for the journey, see you there! 🙂

If you have differing ideas and book and venue suggestions- do write to me. You may leave a comment here or at: kunjal.s.psy@gmail.com