Reality undigested = Being partially aware and running away from that awareness = often causing gastric trouble for e.g.
A little more awareness, or a litle more of undigested reality in your face, coupled with higher intensity of desire to look in the other direction… panic attacks.
What reality am I talking about? For a school phobic, its not the reality of physical existence of school. For a claustropbhobe, it isn’t about enclosed places. That is a given. And those ae maifestations. It’s what our troublesome zones represent to us personally and uniquely- however big or small- and the belief that it challenges which you, me, us wish to avert, postpone, deny.. Our adult variation of the kind of pain a child would go through when against the baby’s wish, the baby, even if for a little while has to stay away from a parent..
Think. Sometimes our own guiding pals, our beliefs are not what they seem and instead maybe troubling us, if so, it is needless to say it’s not helping anymore.. Perhaps it is time to throw out those dear comfortable beliefs that do not serve us anymore.. then we maybe able to adapt. Start excercizing as much will power as you can in the given moment (it will always differ from time to time and circumstances you’re in, so don’t push yourself to the point of being hard on yourself!), and breeeeeaaatthe. All you have to do, is work BIT by BIT to look at these thoughts the ones that bother, and stop your shock feeling associated with it- HOW? – simply look. Take the SMALLEST thought- babysteps- and look. The shock will pass. You’ll have moved one step ahead on road to enriched living. 🙂
Do it with someone, experienced and professional, the better, or Do as much as you can, SLOWLY.. and work toward your own freedom 🙂
Genuine self-worth journey is long, eventful, unpleasant but freeing and relieving after each step.. Sometimes we find it ‘worth it’. Sometimes we prefer the known; the comfortable discomforts and do not continue it.. Just like eating, sleeping, this journey has to be walked on each day by daily practice towards it.
Genuineness and In touch with reality- or as D.W.Winnicott would say: “Real Self”.. is the key to this journey among many other. And for ‘Real’, moving closer to nakedness towards ownself, meeting self as we are, is synonymous!
It’s interesting, how we feel when we find ourselves simply drifting along the river of life, feeling disillusioned, sad and depressed at times or simply dark, angry, confused.. It’s interesting, because when we look at the same floaty path of life and the choices made, and the turns that life choicelessly took..and find a meaning, a value, and look for that common string that binds things together, life doesn’t feel illusionary… one doesn’t feel lost n ‘drifty’..
I suppose when we keep the goal of finding some meaning out of life’s events than trying to achieve a specific meaning or make something out of it, we may find joy from within and a different kind of motivation or driving force in life- one which keeps us rooted.
Sometimes in life, there comes a time, when a need is felt to evaluate the way we are living. There are times, wherein our lifestyle needs change or re-designing to suit our needs. This is also about the time, a self-help book section in a bookshop holds our interest.. and a good chance we end up picking a book in the end.
Beyond reading, after some trial and error of applying the new lessons learnt and old remembered, most books are kept away and forgotten.. and life sometimes doesn’t make a transformation as hoped for and as the book jacket most definitely promised, except an adjustment in maybe a few steps here and there.
So how can we make the most of a self-help book?
It is a book at the end of the day. And the marketing gimmicks and tricks in not only selling but in the written content as well- galore. Find a person, or better, people! A book reading group- a different one each time, or a consistently meeting group- these are good ideas. It can be discussed then with facilitators present, on what basis to choose which book for which issue or motivation that’s currently active in your life. It’s like this- the worst time to go for grocery or food shopping is when you’re hungry; the intense hunger-need clouds any logic! Similarly, being patient and discussing things over- what’s going on within, gaining more clarity of a situation and then heading over a self-help book counter with some recommendations sounds like a better idea. But it shouldn’t stop there- not as far as interpreting words in their full meaning within a context and then application of that data is concerned. Discussions, with people, with the human, compassionate and empathic touch, focusing on daily application of the insights gained- either by rejecting, expounding or accepting the views presented in the book- that helps in moving beyond words and for a book to live and enrich lives than lying like a thing on a shelf somewhere..
A book is a medium. Not the process! The process of any learning would require a good discussion- before purchase, during reading, and after..
Recently, in a group talk on ‘Psychotherapy’, a small, albeit aware audience emerged to form the ongoing awareness and rapport building community of doctors & patients. An interesting question emerged in the process (The following is worded keeping the essence of the question in mind):
“When we meditate or do deep relaxation processes, we feel free from the problems at hand. But they come back to bother, they do not seem to be permanently gone. Can they or are they enough to solve things or psychotherapy is required?”
The discussion that ensued came to a simple conclusion which is given below. The inquirer’s sheepish smile at the end of it corroborated an already experienced and known answer, but one that he kept avoiding and inadvertently having pushed it out of awareness..
‘When we meditate, we reach a stage where problems are found more “deal-able” , as we are more relaxed. The ‘Oh My God!’ response in our head, is subsided and we are more resourceful in dealing with what is on the plate- which is where we may choose a path for assistance; psychotherapy being one of it. But when we are only relaxing our mind and body, and using it to escape- then how can it lead to any problem resolution?! The problem needs our attention not avoidance. Relaxation can help us in doing that. So it can be a “Maintenance tool” for our daily smooth functioning- TO aide in our resolving the “Root Problem”.’
He was satisfied with this answer, though not thrilled and confessed later in person that yes, this summed up what he was avoiding- Pain/”emotional hassles”.
It is the Avoidance of things at hand that actually go on to becoming hassles- That’s something we forget while being caught up in a situation. Our wise hindsight into the consequences can make this understanding clear.
I find ‘Healing’ in the emotional context especially, to be very tricky. Let me explain…
When we say healing, we are referring to a wound being healed or in the process of it.. We are talking about overcoming hurt and feelings of uncontainable sadness and pain over an event, or rather, the way the event has been interpreted and the meaning that we attach to it. Healing can be a very “feel good” thing by itself- and that is where I’m finding it a bit tricky.
There is something as a “good depression”, something healthy and necessary for our growth. It naturally becomes a part of the healing process- no matter how small or big the event in question is. The tricky thing I’ve been referring to, is when a healing act or assistance misreads this step or phase and tries to get away from this, thus creating a loop or a cyclic pattern bringing about an amount of dysfunction.
In simple words, healing can shade and fade into need for pampering!
So as far as we are aware of things within and taking into account the externals- be it people’s reactions and situations, it will help the healing process, no matter which method we employ, to stay on track and onwards to the goal.
So one danger is to get addicted to the healing process (in lines of feeling pampered). The second one is a conscious act to protect oneself. Let me explain: as a self-protection measure remembering the hurt or hurtful incidents in an “in the face” sort of way, so as to avoid falling in a vulnerable position again. In this case, the individual ends up hurting self each day in process by bringing that hurt again and again in the present moment and never really heal. How? The person is deliberately staying away from healing, leaving the ‘wounds’ open- out of fear, and without realizing, cradles the hurt or the hurtful memories.
So folks, the next time we use the word heal, let us take a look further, deeper.. and find out WITHIN the context at hand, what do we really mean, what are we really doing.. and what is actually happening!
Living with a lot of dissonance, inner conflict and ambivalence can be confusing, tumultuous and painful.
Relaxing and finding a comfortable environment and space, expressing, relaxing, more expressing and being open to approach life as an exploration; observing without judging, can help bring clarity, peace and integrity.
Art helps. Especially, with the expressing and relaxing.