What is Anxiety?

 

What is Anxiety?

Inacceptability of Reality.

Think.

That simple.

Reality undigested = Being partially aware and running away from that awareness = often causing gastric trouble for e.g.

A little more awareness, or a litle more of undigested reality in your face, coupled with  higher intensity of desire to look in the other direction… panic attacks.

What reality am I talking about? For a school phobic, its not the reality of physical existence of school. For a claustropbhobe, it isn’t about enclosed places. That is a given. And those ae maifestations. It’s what our troublesome zones represent to us personally and uniquely- however big or small- and the belief that it challenges which you, me, us wish to avert, postpone, deny.. Our adult variation of the kind of pain a child would go through when against the baby’s wish, the baby, even if for a little while has to stay away from a parent..

Think. Sometimes our own guiding pals, our beliefs are not what they seem and instead maybe troubling us, if so, it is needless to say it’s not helping anymore.. Perhaps it is time to throw out those dear comfortable beliefs that do not serve us anymore.. then we maybe able to adapt. Start excercizing as much will power as you can in the given moment (it will always differ from time to time and circumstances you’re in, so don’t push yourself to the point of being hard on yourself!), and breeeeeaaatthe. All you have to do, is work BIT by BIT to look at these thoughts the ones that bother, and stop your shock feeling associated with it- HOW? – simply look. Take the SMALLEST thought- babysteps- and look. The shock will pass. You’ll have moved one step ahead on road to enriched living. 🙂

 

Do it with someone, experienced and professional, the better, or Do as much as you can, SLOWLY.. and work toward your own freedom 🙂

 

Lots of Love~

 

Self-worth

Genuine self-worth journey is long, eventful, unpleasant but freeing and relieving after each step.. Sometimes we find it ‘worth it’. Sometimes we prefer the known; the comfortable discomforts and do not continue it.. Just like eating, sleeping, this journey has to be walked on each day by daily practice towards it.

Genuineness and In touch with reality- or as D.W.Winnicott would say: “Real Self”.. is the key to this journey among many other. And for ‘Real’, moving closer to nakedness towards ownself, meeting self as we are, is synonymous!

Kesudas' "Last Request"
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cheers & best wishes

to Good Health & Freedom!

Do we listen to ourself..?

We plan. And yet, at times, fail to follow it through. What is this inconsistency? If we ourselves plan for something, and we ourselves do not follow it through.. where does the mystery logically point at?

– – That somewhere we do not want to do it?? Hmm.. if the accusatory tone and/or the rhetorical nature of questioning is erased, then we might just see an answer emerge…

“I had a plan for loosing weight. But I just would not exercise. I’ve no clue why?!”

“Its not that I didn’t want to clean my room, but.. I don’t know why I just cant seem to be coming around to be doing that..”

There are times we ask- “I don’t know why”, but do not seek an answer to that, using it as a comment as if to fool our mind that we have addressed the issue, to reduce feeling the “pinch”. There is no specific inquiry made in this case, no wonder there is no answer emerging, and hence, a mystery.

By taking a slightly deeper look within, we may come to, “I really wanted to do it, but at the same time somewhere do not feel like it.”

Aha! Here’s the heart of the problem. The internal conflict, a dissonance within us. We tend to most times run away from it. When we end up going on putting it off to avoid the imagined mental and moral effort.. this may slowly snowball into a big thing too.

By ignoring the “lazy” part, or the logically opposing part, or the part within our self that we may recognize as irrational, it isn’t a mystery anymore why we are not able to get things done. This very well contributes to our being absent-minded, procrastinating, etc. It is the part that we are following but not consciously listening to, that needs our attention to get things moving. So ask yourselves, ‘Have you been listening to “yourself”??’ Pay attention to what you sweep under the carpet in this context.. you might gain insight in what keeps you motivated generally in life as a bonus! 🙂

~

“Flowing Insights Programme” : Bibliotherapy

What is bibliotherapy? Well, these sessions are soon going to begin here in Mumbai that I will be designing and facilitating. On this account, today’s article is on Therapeutic value of books and their discussions..

Lets take a light, fantasy filled classic for example- Alice in Wonderland, which talks about simply, GROWING UP! It unconsciously takes our mind on a journey acquainting us with the range of emotions we may experience while going through that sort of change- where the old has lost it’s value and the new seems pleasantly or unpleasantly different. How often do we come across this sort of a change?- change of job? getting a job? getting used to changes in people around us? getting in the dating scene? Entering in a committed relationship? opting for a different health regime and actually staying on it? .. The list is endless and the therapeutic use of this book (when used well), vast.

On the other hand there’s The Road Less Travelled. It shares Dr. Peck’s version of a map of life from his professional (psychotherapist) experience and the journey of his clients. So he directly talks about-events, approaches, attitudes, suggested solutions, processes, etc- that pertain to the problems-big, tiny or small. The book (when used smartly) allows an individual to look squarely at things we face everyday, in various forms and intensities- rejection, success, loss, tolerance, love, romance,  rebirth, transformation, death, joy, hopes, miracles, etc. So when, how and whom can bibliotherapy with this book benefit? The answer is obvious- at any stage of adult life. Whether its an ill person in the family one has to take care of, or understanding our own disorderliness and mental blocks, if we are going through a tough time in life for whichever reason, or simply looking to “up” the game of life on the next phase or level- bibliotherapy through this book certainly paves a way.

There is a condition though, that applies in using help, guidance or a starting point or material for discussions from books- as discussed in the prior article– the ideas and solutions presented or perceived from the books are not writ in stone! These ideas require examining, trial & error (under an experienced facilitator preferably), sharing-editing-retesting of experiences and thus learning what’s best for us practically.

Bibliotherapy is thus, help and healing through books, carefully selected by a bibliotherapist and conducted through reading jointly, or having a post-reading discussion, or through activities designed to apply the written word in real life or a combination of these methods.

I’m very happy to announce that from 18th June, I will be facilitating, in capacity of a Psychodynamic Psychotherapist, such Bibliotherapy sessions in Mumbai (One example- The book selected for VT venue is The Road Less Travelled see http://helplibrary.blogspot.cotop 5 booksm/2011/06/workshops-on-biblio-therapy-flowing.html)

Best wishes for the journey, see you there! 🙂

If you have differing ideas and book and venue suggestions- do write to me. You may leave a comment here or at: kunjal.s.psy@gmail.com

Self-help books & Real help

Sometimes in life, there comes a time, when a need is felt to evaluate the way we are living. There are times, wherein our lifestyle needs change or re-designing to suit our needs. This is also about the time, a self-help book section in a bookshop holds our interest.. and a good chance we end up picking a book in the end.

Beyond reading, after some trial and error of applying the new lessons learnt and old remembered, most books are kept away and forgotten.. and life sometimes doesn’t make a transformation as hoped for and as the book jacket most definitely promised, except an adjustment in maybe a few steps here and there.

So how can we make the most of a self-help book?

It is a book at the end of the day. And the marketing gimmicks and tricks in not only selling but in the written content as well- galore. Find a person, or better, people! A book reading group- a different one each time, or a consistently meeting group- these are good ideas. It can be discussed then with facilitators present, on what basis to choose which book for which issue or motivation that’s currently active in your life. It’s like this- the worst time to go for grocery or food shopping is when you’re hungry; the intense hunger-need clouds any logic! Similarly, being patient and discussing things over- what’s going on within, gaining more clarity of a situation and then heading over a self-help book counter with some recommendations sounds like a better idea. But it shouldn’t stop there- not as far as interpreting words in their full meaning within a context and then application of that data is concerned. Discussions, with people, with the human, compassionate and empathic touch, focusing on daily application of the insights gained- either by rejecting, expounding or accepting the views presented in the book- that helps in moving beyond words and for a book to live and enrich lives than lying like a thing on a shelf somewhere..

A book is a medium. Not the process! The process of any learning would require a good discussion- before purchase, during reading, and after..

Best wishes 🙂

 

 

 

Relaxation- A Solution?

Recently, in a group talk on ‘Psychotherapy’, a small, albeit aware audience emerged to form the ongoing awareness and rapport building community of doctors & patients. An interesting question emerged in the process (The following is worded keeping the essence of the question in mind):

“When we meditate or do deep relaxation processes, we feel free from the problems at hand. But they come back to bother, they do not seem to be permanently gone. Can they or are they enough to solve things or psychotherapy is required?”

The discussion that ensued came to a simple conclusion which is given below. The inquirer’s sheepish smile at the end of it  corroborated an already experienced and known answer, but one that he kept avoiding and inadvertently having pushed it out of awareness..

The conclusion:

‘When we meditate, we reach a stage where problems are found more “deal-able” , as we are more relaxed. The ‘Oh My God!’ response in our head, is subsided and we are more resourceful in dealing with what is on the plate- which is where we may choose a path for assistance; psychotherapy being one of it. But when we are only relaxing our mind and body, and using it to escape- then how can it lead to any problem resolution?! The problem needs our attention not avoidance. Relaxation can help us in doing that. So it can be a “Maintenance tool” for our daily smooth functioning- TO aide in our resolving the “Root Problem”.’

He was satisfied with this answer, though not thrilled and confessed later in person that yes, this summed up what he was avoiding- Pain/”emotional hassles”.

It is the Avoidance of things at hand that actually go on to becoming hassles- That’s something we forget while being caught up in a situation. Our wise hindsight into the consequences can make this understanding clear.