Con fidence & Confidence

I find the word, ‘confidence’, quite amusing. It’s because of the word construction and the root and origin of the word’s parts .. the word confidence is said to have derived from ‘fide’ meaning fidelity, trust. And ‘con’ meaning “to attach” (latin). You see it right?- the word begins with c-o-n, con.. to cheat! It’s meaning is to do with fide- with attaching trust- but interestingly con is also ‘to cheat’, though not implied here.. Well, not intentionally at a conscious level at least.

The irony is worth indulging in.. Shiny confidence as we see around in suits, grins with sparkly eyes, and firm exteriors and seemingly warm smiles = one of the biggest ‘games’ we humans play.. we’re sending it and receiving it too.. from others, ourselves, most of the time. When we con and act to be ‘playing it cool’ and a knower of things, what message are we giving to our inner self?? – That we are not good enough the way we are and need to be like something, like others, etc. etc.? What message are we giving to those depending on us for their guidnce and nurturance? That there is something to match up to? Some standard we are failing to rank well in? To stand out from the rest perhaps–and that is important somehow for better chances, for appreciation, for attention.. It’s too important to each of us. But how does the word “confident” end up here then? — which means truthful about self and meeting the world this way.. And yet, when normally the word “confident person” is used, the image that follows is not necessarily say- Anna Hazareish or your grand parent who’s just being his/her own self, not to please anyone or for even societal standards, but just cause that’s who they are.

All that is ok. The REAL JOKE is when we try to fit ourself in the bill while waiting outside the cabin for an interview “trying to be confident”- by which we’re meaning to say trying to APPEAR confident. There.. not being self, not confident! If the individual sitting on the other side of the desk is experienced, he/she can see through the put up facade easily. The wiser one understands the nervousness and tests the applicant- once into the subject, is the applicant full of work and looses the consciousness of the business of self image and is busy BEING self, or continues cheating. ( Something our succesful marketing, advertising people know a lot more about!)

A lot of clients come with this problem: “I am not confident enough to do xyz”. This snowballs into a much much larger problem making the lived world smaller, and dysfunctions many. The trouble lies in the lies we feed ourselves using language whose meaning we are only vaguely aware of- colloquially and dictionary wise. What they are really seeking is courage to be, inspite of anything; courage to walk the path without knowing if anything lies ahead, courage to just truely live. Not confidence. Confidence is already there.

There, I’ve said and shared my bit that I had been meaning to say for a while. Didn’t have the right words or the right enriched experiences to help me express this before today. Here it is, a little something for when we find ourself stuck in these issues..

Love, Strength & Courage~

K.

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